11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
