i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
