the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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