my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
