angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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