i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
