Too much gin, very little bucket
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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