i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
