Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
