oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
