just come out here and I will go home with you...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
