just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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