just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
