apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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