I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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