Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
