That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
