you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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