one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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