We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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