You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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