The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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