apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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