So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
