Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
