So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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