he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
