Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
