During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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