What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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