Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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