I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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