the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ketchup is God's man juice
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
