i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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