i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
