We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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