When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
