I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
