i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
