he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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