I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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