I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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