dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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