life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize