Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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