But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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