Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
