i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
