He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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