she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
