Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
