I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
