They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
