Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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