That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's blow job season.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
