i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
