so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
