you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
