I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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