I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
