I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
