i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
